Martial Arts Humor

Definition: de ja fu - The feeling that somewhere, somehow
 you've been kicked in the head like this before. 

You Know You're Hooked on Tang Soo Do When . . . .

Do you wake up Saturday mornings stiff and sore?
Do you have to fight the urge to bow when entering and leaving stores?
Do you find that once you've thrown a punch,
 you can't stop until you've followed it with a front kick?
 If so, you may be (gasp!!) HOOKED ON TANG SOO DO. 
How do you know? Here are a few clues:

You Know You Are Tang Soo Do Animal when...

You find practical uses for broken masonry, like drainage for potted plants
You haul old pieces of wood from somewhere on the one condition you can break them with a hammer fist.
You beg your instructor to let you battle the whole class all at once. 
You learn to speak as many Asian languages as possible.
You then proceed to count your stretches and kicks in those languages.
You leap for joy when the instructor lets you practice slow kicks with weights.
Three words: pain is joy.
Your favorite classes are the ones where you get to:
           (A) fight each other with the "Nerf" swords and kicking bats;
           (B) practice judo moves where you slam your opponent on the mat; or
           (C) play "flying side kick the instructor."
...as your classmate withers in pain on the floor, you fantasize about the quickest way to put him out of his misery. 
...over skilled, not over-kill tell that to the poor slob you just waxed! 
...when all your injuries heal, you go through withdrawals. 
...you view new students as fresh meat. 
...you look forward to working another technique line.
...you eagerly volunteer to be the instructors dummy. 
...you believe the technique endings are too short. 
...you enjoyed your last promotion test. 
...the orthopedic surgeon starts paying you a finders fee. 
...3 Words... Pain is Joy. 
...you practice your weapons forms with the tools when you're outside doing your gardening.
...you tie your bathrobe belt in a square knot. Then check to make sure the ends are exactly even
...you call your boss sah bum nim.

Murphy's Laws for Tang Soo Do 

  The wimp who made it through the sparring rounds on luck alone, will suddenly turn into Bruce Lee when you're up against him.
  The referee will always be looking the other way when you score.
  The instructor will only use you to demonstrate joint-locking techniques.
  If you have to use your training in self defense, your attacker's father will be a lawyer.
  After a flawless demonstration, you will trip on your way back to your seat.
  After years of training without a single injury, you will pull a muscle the night before your black belt exam.

A Fishy Tale

A millionaire Tang Soo Do Master always had a party every year for his new Black Belts to challenge them. As they were gathered around the huge swimming pool the master said, "This pool is filled with man-eating sharks; anyone brave enough to jump in and swim all the way across can have one of three things: my lovely daughter in marriage, half my liquid cash or all my oil wells." Just then he heard a loud splash and turned to see a young Black Belt swimming frantically across the pool and coming out the other side with only torn clothing. 
"Amazing", he said, "you're the first one to ever try it. What do you want...
"My daughter?" 
"No", replied the student. 
"Half my liquid cash?" 
"No", he replied. 
"Ahh, then all my oil wells?" 
"No", replied the student. 
"Then what do you want?" the master asked. 
The young man replied, "I want to know who the Hell pushed me in the pool!!!!"